Guys Who Want to be the Little Spoon

Why, oh why, do I consistently date men who want to be the little spoon?

When I was more in "boyfriend" mode (for years and years...) and less in "dating" mode (which I am currently in), I could parse this issue by cross-referencing and drawing comparisons like "they're all only children" or "they all have blue eyes and beards" or "they all wear glasses" or "they're all under six feet tall". But now that I find myself sharing a bed with more and more people, from varying backgrounds and with varying physical characteristics, I am forced to face the facts: I always date men that want to be the little spoon.

Pros of being the little spoon:

• Greater sense of security
• Cozier
• Your face is not squished into someone's back
• You stand less of a chance of having your arm fall asleep

Cons of being the little spoon:

• Claustrophobia
• The big spoon might want to put their hand on your stomach which, let's face it, is not at its most flattering angle when you're lying on your side
• If you can't fall asleep you might find yourself staring at the wall, which might feel a lot like staring into the abyss
• I can't think of any more cons. Being the little spoon is awesome

But I don't think I'm going out on a huge limb here when I say that it's more "traditional" for the lady in these situations to be the little spoon. Just look at Zach Braff and Natalie Portman in Garden State. And while I'm all for some non-heteronormative action, there's also simple practicality to face: it makes more sense for the smaller person to be the smaller spoon. And I seem to only date people who are bigger than I am- they're taller, they weigh more, they have longer limbs. They are simply better equipped to wrap themselves around another body.

So are these dudes needy? Do they long for a return to the womb? Do they not understand geometry? The only conclusion I can draw is, I guess everybody likes to feel taken care of sometimes, even if the practicalities of the interaction don't make perfect sense.